Emma’s Story

When I say that I study Sport Psychology at University I’m always asked 2 questions.

1)     What’s that?

And then…

2)     That’s quite specific, how did you get involved in that?

I started karate when I was 3 years old, after a failed attempt at enjoying ballet. At 12 years old I got my first black belt. At 14 years old my sensei suggested I participate in the JKS England Squad try-outs, and I was selected to be on both the Kata and Kumite squads, even though I had never done a competition before. Needless to say, I was ecstatic that I was selected. However, most of my team mates and competitors from other teams had been competing for years. Their standards were high and they were used to the pressure of competitions, something that I found out the hard way, I wasn’t. Suddenly, I found myself flung from training in my local dojo into competing in national and international competitions. It seemed that when competing, I wasn’t only fighting my opponent but I was also fighting my brain. During competitions I developed cognitive anxiety, constantly telling myself I wasn’t good enough, that my performance wasn’t good enough, that I’d let my team, coaches and parents down, even before I stepped onto the matts. I didn’t understand what was going on; I’ve never been afraid of fights or performing my katas in the dojo before. It’s taken me a while to realise I wasn’t scared to compete; I was scared to lose. Not just scared, terrified. Soon, my anxiety seeped from competitions into my training. I didn’t want to train, I felt sick and panicky at the idea of training, of being an embarrassment, a failure. I competed for the JKS England Squad for 2 years, and my experience was a mixed bag, there was the highs of standing on the podium with a medal, and the frustrating and painful mental lows. Eventually, I stopped competing to focus on my academic studies, and it was one of the hardest things I had to walk away from.

But, fear not, there is a light at the end of the tunnel! At 16 I passed my GCSE’s with flying colours and I got my 2nd black belt in Karate and my 1st black belt in a martial art called Jeet Kune Do. I had to move to a different dojo and I started training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. The anxiety that I felt during competitions is now a part of my everyday life. However, sport isn’t a cause for my anxiety, it’s my therapy (as cheesy as that might sound!). After I stopped competing, I used weight training and BJJ to help with my everyday anxiety. Slowly, I was less afraid to train, until I looked forward to the sessions. Lifting weights or rolling on the matts focused my energies away from my thoughts and onto what I was physically doing. I felt powerful and strong again.

After my GCSE’s I was tasked with choosing my A-Level subjects. One of the options was Psychology, with a module on Psychopathology: the study of mental disorders such as anxiety. I was curious as to how some athletes could be completely debilitated by the competition environment whereas some thrived off the pressure. When I was competing, I never had anyone to help with my mentality, and I often wonder if I would still be competing if I did. I chose to study A-Level Psychology, knowing that I wanted to be a Sports Psychologist, as I wanted to help athletes who felt like I did, and to be able to give them the specific support and knowledge that I didn’t have when competing.

You’ll be pleased to know that I have started my Karate training again and I have fallen in love with my sport all over again. Karate is once again, not a cause for my anxiety but a way of helping me cope with it. Karate is part of who I am and and I can’t imagine it not being a part of my life. I look forward to training, love every gruelling second of it, and I cannot wait to see where my journey ends!