Sadie’s Story

So, who am I? I’m Sadie, a 26yr old powerlifter that suffers from a medical condition called ehlers danlos hypermobility syndrome and I also suffer from anxiety and depression. Up until the last year I’ve worked within the health and fitness industry for 5yrs and am a qualified personal trainer, fitness instructor and sports massage therapy as well as (hopefully) going to university in September to study sports rehabilitation, so you could say exercises, fitness, sports and the gym are kind of my thing!

So as I stated I have a long term medical condition that effects the way my body produces collagen and effects the laxity and functions of my muscles, joints, ligaments /tendons and some internal organs and if that wasn’t extra enough I also suffer anxiety, anxiety attacks and have suffered times of depression, self harm/eating disorders and suicidal thoughts. Since I was a young teen I’ve been aware of my mental health challenges and I know the signs and triggers that can spiral and put me into places that I don’t want to be and I have found things that help me.

One of those things was the gym, I started going to the gym nearly 6 years ago before that I hated all forms of exercise, I was the classic kid that skived PE so the path I’ve chosen to take in life has surprised many! I always knew I wanted to get stronger physically, I had no interest or intention to spend hours on a treadmill as that didn’t make me happy, I wanted to physically be stronger to help my mind feel stronger, I started off bodybuilding and loved it! I felt powerful and seeing my hard work reflecting in my physical appearance really encouraged me at the start, over time though that drive turned obsessive and brought some unhealthy habits back to me, so I took a step back and thought about what out of all my training made me feel the best mentally and physically… lifting heavy weights! So 3yrs from when I stepped into the gym I found powerlifting,  even though I still struggle with my mental health, I’ve found something positive and progressive that helps me calm the storm in my head, it allows me to be logical when I want to be emotionally and it’s my sanctuary when the world is a little too loud.

My one piece of advice for anyone suffering from mental health issues who have exercise or sport as one of their therapies is don’t get mad or scared or feel guilty when you still have “bad days”, it will happen, training or sport doesn’t “fix” mental health issues but it’s a great way to focus on what you can do and give you a positive outlet and path to follow on the difficult days. I wish I had known that, so many times I’ve hit lows during my training and its felt like the worst failure ever, like my mind was attacking the most sacred space I had until I realised and accepted that my mental health challenges don’t just go away and I have to work on how I can be stronger, how I can be kinder to myself and how I can be more open about my struggles, I am at that place now, my family is hideously supportive and I have a coach and a team that is amazing and always has my back but it took me accepting me for these things to actually be helpful or even appreciated because before that whenever I struggled I was ashamed or guilty or just frustrated that I “wasn’t strong enough “ when in fact that was not the case.

There are and have been days and times where the gym has not been the best place for me to be on those days I take rest knowing its good for my body, I swim or study or go shopping for more gym wear! learning to embrace other hobbies and do other things to help your mental health is important, it’s alot easier to attack when there is only one line of defence, don’t feel bad about stepping back from time to time, you do this because you love it not because you “need” to.