Katie’s Story

Hi, I’m Katie, I’m 20 and in my final year at Durham University- I have had a very long and toxic relationship with eating disorders which started when I was 15 and still continues today. That is why I am writing and being very open about my experience because it is so important for people to communicate and discuss their problems and anxieties, as it can lead to more harmful coping mechanisms. So I have been bulimic/ anorexic for more than 5 years now. 

It began as a way of controlling my weight but later became something I used as stress relief and it became habitual. Throughout IB (A levels) I was really quite ill and didn’t share my disorder with my parents until I had been doing it for a year. When they found out I got help, counselling, doctors appointments and I dedicated my life to my studies. The only thing I enjoyed was going to the gym and lifting weights as a form of relaxation and stress relief. I got really great grades, had a wonderful summer (guilt free & bulimic free).

But once I came to Durham University, everything changed. I have always been good with change and adjusting to new environments, but for some reason I never felt secure at uni. I didn’t really go out during freshers week, I didn’t drink, I was very home sick/ anxious about my year ahead and I never felt like I truly fit in. I had/ and still have the most amazing friends who brought me out of my shell but I never asked for help. I really struggled with the college food system, and my anorexia/ bulimia came back. I had no motivation to go to the gym and I got really anxious about going because I lacked so much confidence in myself. Again, I hate asking for help so I didn’t, and this translated into my 2nd and 3rd Years. 2nd year was an interesting one for me, it seems to be a bit of a blur. I wasn’t very well and I had gained a lot of weight, wasn’t toned anymore and looked shit (in my head) so I wasn’t very happy. 

Things started to look up once I met my boyfriend who really supported me and looked out for me, but I still struggled everyday. I joined and trained to become a full Samaritan which was amazing and really humbling (I still volunteer today) and to hear the real hardships and struggles people deal with made me feel like I’m not alone, if anything, it confirmed how many amazing family/ friends and support I have in my life. 

Fast forward to 3rd year, I have been really proud of where I’ve come. I go to the gym almost everyday, I feel more confident in my body and my mind but it has taken a long way to get here and I still have a long way to go. A couple nights ago I was at a really low point in my life, and really questioned what’s the point. I was taken to hospital and that was a real wake up call for me. I am still struggling and I’m still not well, but I realise that and I want to get better. If I continue to do the things I love and be around the people I love, things will get/ and are getting better.

Myo minds is amazing as they are raising awareness and opening the discussion to be more transparent. This is a very exposing thing I have done today, but I hope it can help at least 1 person! Love Katie x