Isobel’s Story

A year ago I set off on a 182 mile walk across the country – Alfred Wainwright’s Coast to Coast. Having only done a few one off training days and not being involved in any regular exercise I wasn’t certain I’d manage to complete it and even once I did I had a kind of imposter syndrome – I didn’t deserve to have made it with so little pain, with ease, support and happiness throughout. Even posting on a blog about fitness and mental health I feel out of place, because really all I’m talking about is something most of us do every day.

But here’s the wonderful thing about walking, it’s just putting one foot in front of the other, there’s no need for it to be competitive, there’s no need for you to push yourself to breaking point, it is literally about taking things at your own pace one step at a time and I think sometimes we take that for granted.

Exercise for me has always been a source of guilt in that I didn’t do it, and while I fully accept that it’s important for your health and we should encourage it, we shouldn’t pretend that for everyone it is enjoyable or the focus of their achievements – although saying that I have recently got into climbing which feels more like problem solving than sport to me. Exercise is a spectrum of activities and it’s all about finding the ones you can just about put up with – and if that is the simple act of walking for you then that’s as good as weight lifting and triathlons are for others.

I did the Coast to Coast in aid of a charity called Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS), who I worked with for my undergrad dissertation. This was a cause close to my heart – one of my closest friends took her own life when I was 15 and it has impacted every big choice I have made since, and a lot of the little ones as well. This sudden bereavement and the doubts that come with loss by suicide, combined with an unhealthy relationship I was in at the time left me often feeling an empty pit of despair in my stomach, questioning a lot of aspects of my life and feeling really quite lost. When everything felt too overwhelming I’d leave the house, I remember one night I met a friend for a walk at about half midnight (bless my parents for being understanding and also relatively lax about my safety lmao) when the questions were too loud for me to sleep and everything felt out of place. I didn’t realise it at the time, but walking has for me been one of the healthiest and most important coping mechanisms that I have carried forward. Even now, when I have deadlines looming and I feel like I’m slipping under with stress and work I will take an hour to explore and get some fresh air and come back more positive and productive.

For me walking has been a source of solace and manageable solitude. While I’m a big proponent of talking about your feelings, sometimes it’s important to process them in your own head – and for me being by myself indoors just makes me feel an loneliness and claustrophobia that perpetuates any anxieties I might have. I find getting out and about however provides just enough distraction to keep your brain simultaneously engaged and relaxed – perfect for working through your worries – or forgetting them entirely.

So find a balance in your own way, take pride in the little things and don’t compare your ‘performance’ to people who find joy in something you don’t – we all have our different hobbies, for some people that’s ultra marathons and for others (me) it’s embroidery and Netflix, and that’s ok.

If you want/need to talk at all or have any questions about exercise guilt, bereavement and sense of place (topic of my undergrad diss), or even Netflix recommendations, pls feel free to message me @isobel.murray