Rae’s Story

Ello ello, 

First off I'd like to say I've never practiced any sports to a high level, I've simply dabbled in fitness and spent a lot of time doing not very much in @mildertgymstagram although I'd like to think that fitness is still a big part of my life.

My mental health journey began about 6 years ago although I had tendencies to get a bit low and a bit anxious before that. I've always played sports: hockey, netball, tennis, even a bit of rugby and cross country way back in the day. My mental health issues probably reached a peak when I was about 17 although I didn't really let on to anyone that I was struggling at this point. By the time I made it to university my anxiety had left me super low energy and unmotivated. I lacked belief in my ability to finish anything as I was sure that my mental health would inevitably plummet at some point and I wouldnt be able to perform as I'd like. This manifested pretty much all areas of my life; social settings, academics, sports... in my second year of university I made an active choice to turn it around and pull myself out of the vicious cycle I was in. On a whim I signed up for the London Marathon just before Christmas. For me this wasn't just a physical feat but a mental one.

I've always been pretty single minded and competitive and my anxiety had, to all affects, stolen that from me. Although my cardiovascular fitness was not awful at this point because I was rowing, it was still very much an ask and a half getting me from couch potato to 42km in 3 months. The discpline involved in getting me running 4 times a week helped me rediscover the aspects of myself that I'd missed. Training for marathon running is definitely not my usual style of training. I can unequivocally say I am not a runner. I use this as an extreme example of how I practiced and exercised my self-determination and drive. I enjoy being self assured in my abilities to do something! Completing something like that restored some faith in myself and was the first time in ages that I felt an extreme sense of accomplishment. I cannot express how emotional it was crossing that finishing line even in my not very impressive time. 

Like I said, marathon training is an extreme example of how I use fitness to just realign everything in my brain and feel better about myself. In the day to day I would say I'm just a pretty bog standard gym bunny but even this provides me with an hour or so a day where I can get into a headspace away from any anxieties that I may have that day.

I'm very thankful that I've been able to find an outlet for myself in this way. I've also made many wonderful friends through fitness and sports that I trust to be around for me if I'm ever struggling. There is a wonderful community of people out there in fitness who quite often have struggled through very similar problems and I really do treasure the friends I have made in this way. 

There's so much more I could go in to, it's such an interesting topic and hearing how so many people have found some sort of release through fitness from what can be such an oppressing and suffocating issue is so uplifting and heartwarming.