Chelsea’s Story

I’ve always enjoyed sport. As a child I did a different sport every day of the week - You name it I’ve tried it. I enjoyed competition but I enjoyed pushing myself even more, in both my physical and intellectual capabilities. Pushing yourself to be the best you can be isn’t normally seen as an unhealthy trait, but for me it certainly was. It developed into a need to be ‘perfect’ - an elusive word that can’t really be defined in real terms because when you get to it everyone’s perception of perfection is different. 

The desire to be perfect exhausted me to the point where I exercised every day and worked obsessively, never content with how fast I could run or the grade on my uni essay. I’ve always been ambitious but this drive wasn’t coming from a healthy place. It was almost like I was punishing myself because I just didn’t feel enough. I attached success to fleeting moments and never paid attention to the wins - choosing to only look at how I can improve.

Soon the fear of failing started to overtake my life. I stopped playing team sports because I didn’t want to let my team down, I’d ruminate over silly mistakes I’d make and I didn’t think I was good enough to be a part of the team. Feeling this way about sport is so demotivating because it is one of the only things I’ve constantly enjoyed throughout my life. 

It almost came as a welcome relief when the doctor explained that I suffer with anxiety. Initially it was hard to face up to, but now I’m open about it and working through it, it’s starting to get better. Learning not to be so strict with exercise or to be too hard on myself has been a difficult journey and I still have a long way to go. But now when I do exercise, I do it for the right reasons and it comes from a place of self love and acceptance.